Carebears on a Plane
by Pennatus
Summary: The Sanzo party decides to take a plane to the west. But it's filled with...Carebears? And who did Sanzo say he was in love with? My first crack fanfic. Enjoy!


This is my first crack fanfic. I really like it, but what do you think? What would happen if the Sanzo-ikkou go to the west on a plane. With Carebears. (Would someone get these mother f#$ing Carebears off this mother f$^%ing plane?!?)

Read and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or Carebears in any way. Or the rainbow plane.

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"Excuse me," said the flight attendant, "but there's no smoking."

Sanzo stared at his cigarette for a moment before looking at her. "So?"

"So, sir, if you would please put that out…" She let out a little squeak as she felt a hand creeping up her leg.

"Hey, little lady," whispered a voice. She saw a strand of red hair in her peripheral vision. "How about we go to the back, and _I _serve a drink to _you_?"

"Please excuse me!" the flight attendant practically screamed before running off sobbing.

"Smooth moves, Gojyo," said Goku sarcastically. "Now she'll probably sue you for sexual harassment."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time."

"This was a great idea, Sanzo," said Hakkai, smiling, as usual. "Taking a plane to the west. Rather expensive, but I believe it's worth it."

"Tch," grunted Sanzo. "I didn't expect it to be filled with Carebears, though."

"Indeed." Apart from the pilot, co-pilot, flight attendant, and the four of them, the entire plane was filled with Carebears. One of them peeked over his seat as Sanzo.

"I think you should put that out, sir," said the bear.

Sanzo released a plume of smoke directly in the bear's face. "Why?"

"Because you develop lung cancer from smoking, sir. And second hand smoke will – "

"Ah, shut up." Sanzo whipped out his Smith and Wesson and shot the Carebear right between the eyes. Slowly the bear toppled to the ground.

A long silence followed.

"You…you _shot_ a Carebear," whispered Goku, shock etched on his features.

"I didn't know they could be killed," commented Gojyo indifferently.

"Um…" said Hakkai, still smiling. "I think we have a problem."

Every Carebear in the plane was turning toward them. Something strange and frightening sparked in their eyes.

"We must teach you love," one murmured.

"…love…"

"You mustn't kill."

"…mustn't kill…"

"You must love everyone."

"…love everyone…"

The Carebears rose out of their seats and began advancing toward them. "Love…"

"They're serious!" yelled Goku, summoning Nyoibo.

"I guess we have no choice," sighed Hakkai, hands already glowing.

"Sorry, but I don't go for stuffed animals." Gojyo grinned, his blade already arching through the air.

"Tch," was the only thing Sanzo said, gun at the ready.

They fought tooth and nail, blood and stuffing flying everywhere. Eventually, however, the shear number of Carebears overwhelmed them. Sanzo, Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai were all tied up and dragged to a satanic looking ritual area.

"How the hell did this fit in a plane?" Sanzo growled.

"It _is_ the rainbow plane." Hakkai smiled.

"I'm not gonna live this down," muttered Gojyo. "Done in by Carebears."

Goku said nothing.

"Now!" said a pink Carebear, wearing a triumphant smirk and brandishing a wicked looking knife. "You shall be sacrificed to the god of love!"

The plane roared with cheers.

"In the name of love!"

More cheering.

"_Love!_"

Cheers.

"But before we begin…" The pink Carebear came forward and cut Goku free. The monkey dropped to the floor and then stood. Every Carebear fell to the ground, groveling.

"Goku…?" questioned Sanzo.

"I do this for love, Sanzo!" exclaimed Goku. "If you will love me, I will let you go!"

"I'm sorry, Goku," Sanzo sighed, "but I can't."

"Why not?!?

"I'm in love…" He paused dramatically. "…with Hakuryu!"

"…" (everyone) "WHAT?!?"

"Yes," said Sanzo, "it's true.

"Why would you choose Hakuryu?" demanded Goku.

"Because of the things that little dragon can do! _Unh_!"

"So, how do you…?"

"Oh, well…" Goku leaned in to hear better.

"Stick…seat…pineapple…"

"And in dragon form?"

"You start with…"

"Uh-huh…mm…"

Goku straightened. "Well! I didn't know it worked like that."

"Yep."

"Huh…oh, right. I've got to sacrifice you now. Sorry about that."

"It's alright. Just…before I die…"

"What?"

"Could I have a smoke?"

~Fin


End file.
